U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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