Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
