kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love having hate sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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