Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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