I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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