how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
