so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize