Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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