yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
