I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
