Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
