We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
