So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
