I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
