even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's rum buckets o'clock
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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