you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I AM VODKA MAN
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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