Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
