I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
