If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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