Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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