Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
