Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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