Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
