I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
