physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
