Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What a dumb baby whore.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
God I need to hump something, right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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