apparently the secret to your success is patron
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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