why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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