hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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