guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
