ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
