I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
