Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
