Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
