I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
