11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
be right there i have to get my cape
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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