But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize