There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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