im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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