I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need water and some morals
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
