Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize