i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
