If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
