your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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