you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
