That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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