so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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