Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
