Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
