Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize