I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
