Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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