Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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