Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
