ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
