I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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