I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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