Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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