You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
