At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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