I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I still have a little drunk in my system
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
