I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have fence marks all over my body
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
