I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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