Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
