I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
