my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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