Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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