another moral hangover. fuck.
It's Friday. Sex?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
