There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
