What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
