my mouth tastes like poor choices
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
