we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
