Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We're too hungover to prance.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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