remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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