I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
