I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
